so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
