I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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