I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
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Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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