Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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