I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
