I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
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I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
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My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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