i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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