Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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