that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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