my mouth tastes like poor choices
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
