my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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