She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
