I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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