you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Holy shit dude........stairs
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
