the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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