Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
