Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you had me at cake vodka
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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