i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize