At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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