I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish you could order shots online.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
