her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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