look no pants
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
