the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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