You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
