That's when you crack a 10am beer
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
