I swear she didn't look like that last week.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
two words: eviction party
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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