woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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