? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
