I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize