there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
