i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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