Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
