There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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