This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
