this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
