Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
