hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I smell stomach acid.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
