mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
