My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
