All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
