I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
