16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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