i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
FUCK WHALES
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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