I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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