not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
