The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
