I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
