Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
