While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
