Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
