So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
