I molested 6 butterflies tonight
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
