I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
