ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
