Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
