Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When are your genitals available?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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