Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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