lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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