too bad you live with your parents still
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
