so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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