Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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