I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You need a sexual gate keeper
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
