you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
