apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
