I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
