apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
