Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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