omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
