just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
