When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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