She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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