I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
