My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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