My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Drunk is not a location!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
