i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
