Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
