Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
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he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
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I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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