Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
