Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
