i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize