He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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